Defining ‘High-Value’ Men and Women: A Social Construct Under the Microscope

What Makes Someone “High-Value”? Reflecting on My Grade 10 Students
When my Grade 10 students recently asked me about “high-value” men and women, I was struck by how much this idea had captured their imagination. These terms, commonly thrown around in social media and self-help content, are provocative and problematic. What does it mean to be “high-value”? Who decides? Moreover, perhaps most importantly, is this concept helpful, or does it merely reinforce stereotypes and narrow views of human worth?
As I delved into their questions, I came to appreciate the intricate layers of this topic. It draws from cultural narratives, psychology, sociology, and even global shifts in how we view relationships and personal growth. This complexity is what makes it so intellectually stimulating and engaging to explore.
Unpacking the Concept
The term “high-value” often appears in discussions about relationships, where it is used to describe individuals who supposedly embody the most desirable traits. For men, this might mean financial success, confidence, and leadership. It often emphasises physical beauty, emotional intelligence, and loyalty for women. These definitions sound straightforward, but they quickly unravel upon closer inspection.
What makes the concept contentious today is its resurgence through modern influencers like Kevin Samuels, a relationship coach known for his controversial views on gender roles and relationships, and Rollo Tomassi, a blogger who promotes traditional masculinity through social media and self-help platforms.
Does Research back this?
From a psychological perspective, empirical Research does not support the concept of “high-value” men and women. While certain traits like kindness, intelligence, and reliability are universally appreciated in partners (Buss, 1989), focusing on wealth or appearance as value markers is far less universal.
Research into mate preferences has shown cultural variability. For example:

• In collectivist cultures like Japan or India, family loyalty and social harmony often precede individual wealth or beauty.
• Autonomy and shared values might be prioritised in more individualistic societies, such as much of Western Europe.

Additionally, concepts like self-efficacy (Bandura, 1977) and growth mindset (Dweck, 2006) challenge the static notion of being “high-value.” These theories highlight the importance of personal development and adaptability over fixed traits like physical attractiveness or financial success.
Cultural and Ethical Concerns
One of the most striking issues with this concept is its ethnocentric bias. Much of the discourse surrounding “high-value” individuals is heavily Western-centric, reflecting capitalist ideals of wealth and status. However, these value markers can feel narrow and exclusionary when viewed through a global lens. This global perspective is crucial for us to be broad-minded and culturally aware.
For instance:

• A person considered “high-value” in the UK, due to their career success and independence, might not hold the same status in a culture that values interdependence and community.
• Similarly, the fixation on physical beauty risks reinforcing harmful stereotypes and objectification, particularly of women, across cultures.

The “high-value” narrative also has a troubling transactional undertone. By reducing human worth to a checklist of traits, these ideas risk oversimplifying the complexities of human relationships.
Jordan Peterson’s Perspective
One of the more thoughtful voices in this space is Jordan Peterson, a psychologist and author whose work explores personal responsibility and growth. While Peterson critiques superficial markers of value, he emphasises traits like competence, responsibility, and integrity.
Peterson argues that being “high-value” should be less about external metrics, like income or appearance, and more about aligning one’s actions with meaningful goals. While his views can sometimes veer toward traditionalist ideals, his emphasis on individual growth offers a more constructive framework than the consumer-driven narratives often seen online.

How I Addressed the Question in Class
When my students raised the topic, I decided to turn it into an opportunity for reflection and critical thinking. We discussed:

1. What qualities do you personally value in others?
   • Answers ranged from kindness and humour to ambition and perseverance.
2. Do these qualities vary across cultures or situations?
   • Many students recognised that what might be desirable in one context, like confidence in a leader, could feel overwhelming in a friend or partner.
3. How can you measure your value?
   • This led us to discuss the dynamic nature of growth and how self-improvement, adaptability, and relationships shape who we are.

We also explored the cultural limitations of “high-value” narratives, discussing how these ideals can perpetuate stereotypes or foster unrealistic expectations, particularly in cultures that value community over individual success or where beauty standards differ significantly from Western ideals.
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My ReflectionThis discussion made me realize how important it is to approach these topics with nuance. While being “high-value” might resonate with some as a goal for self-improvement, it risks becoming a shallow label if divorced from personal growth, emotional intelligence, and cultural sensitivity. It's crucial for us to understand that personal growth is the key to feeling empowered and in control of our own development.


Ultimately, I told my students that value is not static. It is not defined by social media influencers or determined by arbitrary checklists. The value lies in how we grow, connect, and contribute to those around us.
As we left the classroom, I thought: If we teach young people to measure themselves not by external metrics but by their capacity for kindness, curiosity, and resilience, perhaps they will redefine what it means to be “high-value” on their own terms.

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